i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
