mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
