she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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