My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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