My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
