Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
