separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
