and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
