I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
