I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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