Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
