he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
