That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
