We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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