i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
