i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Everything about him screamed your future.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
