why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
