I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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