Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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