if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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