Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
