I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
