I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
