i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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