OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
