i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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