Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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