Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
