my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize