I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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