We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
