just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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