Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My ass is underappreciated
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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