so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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