I hate all girls vehemently.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
