ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
there's paper in my vomit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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