If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
