I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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