did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
