So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
