I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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