your parents love me but you hate me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
