YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
