but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
