me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize