i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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