I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
