don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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