well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
