im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
