Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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