you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
