Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
