I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
