she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
