When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
