i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
