I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I want is dick and wine.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
