my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
