I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
