I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
