I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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