i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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