do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
