is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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