Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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