i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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