I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
