I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize