Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize