I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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