his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize